With a new school year set to begin, learn how to protect children from bullies this week on “The Harford Edge” with our guest, Thomas Gagliano. As a former bully with a master’s degree in social work, Gagliano will share the methods he has developed to deal with bullies and more, live on Friday, Aug. 24 on WAMD Radio 970 AM.
Also on “The Harford Edge”, we’ll talk about the news of the week on The Dagger, including the controversy over economic development funds provided by county government, and public appeals for new school facilities at Havre de Grace High School and Youth’s Benefit Elementary School in Fallston. Plus, we’ll have the 411 on community events to enjoy in and around the county.
Stay on the cutting edge of news in Harford County and beyond. Join me, Cindy Mumby of The Dagger and my co-host Mark Schlottman, for “The Harford Edge”, Harford County’s only news talk show powered by local news from The Dagger.
“The Harford Edge” airs live every Friday morning from 8 a.m. – 9 a.m., on WAMD Radio 970 AM in Aberdeen and on the internet at www.khztv.com. Listen to encore radio presentations each Saturday morning from 9 a.m. – 10 a.m.
Best way to deal with bullies, teach you kids to defend themselves. The school WILL DO NOTHING. When a “bully” attempts to “bully” your child and your child beats the crap out him. You child will not be bullied ever again.
Uh, Tom, I hate to put it this way, but you have no idea what you are talking about. You seem to think bullying is limited to beating up other children… This might shock you, but every case of bullying I have dealt with has never involved a punch exchanged, but rather with otherwise benign behavior. In other words if you teach your child to kill with their bare hands they have a great shot at becoming the next Chuck Norris, but may nonetheless suffer at the hands of a bully.
If you want to stop bullying 1) learn what it is, 2) tell someone in authority, 3) avoid ignorant advice, and 4) put parents back to work parenting.
AnotherHCPSTeacher,
You forgot #5. Let the HCPS hire more people so they can respond to this “crisis” in their inimitable fashion of not doing much of anything effectively but being busy, busy, busy with more staff achieving not much at all.
Tom is actually pretty much right. Kids who are trained to respond to bullies by striking back with a proportional response don’t get bullied for long. And I’m not talking about with a weapon so don’t even go there.
Alex,
Arguing with you on this may prove stupid for me…
If a child is being bullied there is a protocal to follow. I can tell you responding in like fashion is not going to go well for the bullied child. Someone already pointed out that the zero tolerance policy will place equal consequences on both parties to an altercation. Whether I agree with that is moot… If I’m doing my job I follow the rules.
I think your philosophy and support for Tom’s solution projected 10-20 years down the road equates to tolerance for vigilante justice. Nice world you envision there, Alex.
Laugh at the reporting process for bullying all you want… I’ve seen it work. I’ve also had kids sitting in my room crying because they don’t want to go to lunch – they’re getting bullied. They are not getting beaten up – it is verbal and so forth… Tell me, Alex, what good would boxing lessons be for these kids? What exactly do you say to these kids? You do know some of them arrived emotionally disabled, right?
I’ve been in the classroom over ten years and have never once seen bullying take the form of jumping a kid and beating him up. I’ve seen PLENTY of the other sorts, though. So, Alex, what is your new solution since what you advocate rarely, if ever, really happens?
Don’t go where? If every kid that says they have been bullied brought in a gun and killed their abusers, well, we wouldn’t have many kids left. However, since you brought it up… There is plenty of evidence that victims of bullying do comit violence – sadly usually against themselves and not the abuser. Did you know that?
Alex… here is some advice for you and Tom since you are facilitating the violation of tip #3… educate yourself about that you seemingly know nothing about before commenting. In other threads you make reasonably intelligent sounding comments even if I don’t always agree with you… in this thread you spoiled your average.
Speaking of doing my job… lunch is over.
Oh, well. I still have a great average and I also have 3 honor student grandchildren that their fellow students know very well won’t be bullied. Otherwise someone ends up on their backside. My advice to parents who have students that are being bullied is to teach them to do the same.
Oh, and one other thing. Teachers are in a difficult spot – and I’m sorry that you are – but they have to understand that parents aren’t always going to just bow to the stupid processes and policies that the HCPS would like them to.
“Laugh at the reporting process for bullying all you want… I’ve seen it work. I’ve also had kids sitting in my room crying because they don’t want to go to lunch – they’re getting bullied. They are not getting beaten up – it is verbal and so forth… Tell me, Alex, what good would boxing lessons be for these kids? ”
Politeness might make a return to our society if more people realized an unkind word might result in black eyes.
Alex, I have some bad news for you… the caliber of that response ruined anything left of your average. Are you serious that you would tell the parents of an emotionally disabled child to become an aggressive bully? Seriously? Do you tell a child beaten by a parent to kick the dog, also? I swear you lost anything that resembles sanity in my eyes…
My spot is not all that difficult… I see bullying I deal with it, confront it… The difficult position is yours. There is a problem with bullying and the schools are finding a way to deal with it because parents are not doing their jobs. Your position is to ridicule those efforts while offering nothing reasonable in response. That is a difficult position to defend, in my opinion.
Um, Im afraid I do know what Im talking about. I Went through the school system here. I started getting bullied in Middle School. Every day 5 or 6 kids would get in a circle around me and take turns beating the crap out of me. They would take my lunch money. People would write nasty messages about me on desks. My parents went to the principal. They gave the kids a “stern-talking-to” Which only made it worse. Now not only was I bullied but I was also labeled a “snitch”. I was harassed on the school bus and in school. I can remember not wanting to go to school. I can remember contemplating suicide, and trying to figure out which was the best way to kill myself so that I could get it over with quickly. My parents again went to the school, but to no avail. I can remember my father telling the school principal that I was going to start defending myself because the school would do nothing about it. The principal then told me that I would not be in trouble if I “defended” myself. My father then taught me how to fight, and suggested I use any means necessary to defend myself the next time I was surrounded. He told me that I would get more than likely get kicked out of school for it, and that he would not be mad if I did. The next day eight kids formed a circle around me and began the usual beating. I through my backpack at one of their feet and pushed through the circle of swinging fists and continued down the hall. It was at that point one of them followed me down the hall. He grabbed my by the hair and attempted to punch me. That is when I unleashed on this kid, and proceeded to beat him into something that resembled strawberry jello. Of course the schools Bullshit policy was to suspend me for fighting. I can remember sitting in the office with my father and he asked the principal about the last conversation we had with the administration about defending oneself. He didn’t have a good answer. I was supposed to put my hand up around my face to prevent from getting knocked out, and that was all.
Well My father took me to the movies on my suspension, treated it is a mini vacation. The “bully” in this situation became a laughing stock could no longer be a “bully” because he had finally got the crap knocked out of him. I finally learned some respect for myself.
The cycle started over again when I attended High School. Once again I told a teacher to no avail, I told the principal, to no avail. My parents had a conference with the principal to no avail. The kids were brought to the office and lectured, the minute they left the office it got even worse. I finally had enough and beat the crap out of the “bully” Same bullshit school excuse and we were both suspended. IMMEDIATELY back from suspension the friends of the bully jumped me in the hall, I again kicked the crap out them. After that nobody messed with me any more.
SO Um, Im afraid I do know what Im talking about. The school system in Harford County is a joke when it comes to this. In every instance we followed the steps, and the school only made it worse!!!
Teach your kids self respect and how to defend themselves. When you can walk down the hall knowing you can probably kick anyone’s ass, YOU WONT GET BULLIED.
Today one suspension for fighting can prevent a student from getting into his/her college of choice. There’s a question on the Common Application about suspensions, with additional information required. (UDel, UVA, Villanova, NYU, OSU, U of MI, among others, use the Common App)
The Common App? If the schools are that much of a wuss to reject someone because they stood up for their rights then who needs them? Believe me there are better schools out there that search high and low to get a well qualified student who can pay the tuition. Many of them.
They may ask about suspensions but they also provide space for an explanation. Everybody knows on these days of zero tolerance that the good are swept up with the bad.
Fair enough Tom… sorry you were beaten – happened to me, too. What school? What principal? When did this happen? Seems to me that your story displays such extreme incompetency for recent years I’m inclined to believe it was some time ago. And like I said, I’ve seen the ‘system’ work many times. Thus, your anecdotal evidence suggests the exception rather than the rule – based on my years in this system.
And while your story is sad, it still doesn’t make you right. I’m not going to argue that every teacher or administrator will act appropriately and follow-up in a fashion to provide 100% security, but I’m also going to say that vigilante idiocy is not the way either. You may be convinced it is correct, but I fear you are tainted heavy by emotionalism.
Like I said, it is stupid of me to argue this topic with people convinced that an “in kind response” method is the only method… Some people are not very open to educating others and trying to make the world a little better place to live. Silly of me.
Done here…
Bel Air Middle school and High school, not that long ago.
Tom- I can’t agree more with you!! I have had personal experiences with 2 of my children too. One was physical and one was mental abuse. After years, we gave the one permission to finally fight back physically with two neighborhood boys and he earned their respect and now they are all friends. My younger son was being teased about his height constantly! With a little help, we prompted him on what to say back and shut them all up. Now, they are all friends too!! For years I tried the “right” thing to do and tell them to walk away but all I got was seeing my children constantly being abused. Not only have I taught them to respect themselves but a lesson was learned here on how to respect others too!!
My understanding is that if the victim does not fight back (hits the ground, covers head, cries for mommy), the offender gets suspended for bullying. If the victim fights back (aka raises a hand to defend him/herself), they’re both suspended for fighting.
Unfortunately society today doesn’t accept that some kids need to face a suitable opponent in a stand-up fight (vs ambushing the victim), and there are no more boxing gloves in the gym supply locker.
Kharn,
My grandchildren didn’t get that memo about covering your head and crying for mom. My advice to anyone is don’t bully them or you will get one warning from them. If you don’t heed that warning then you will be on your butt on the ground courtesy of what they have been taught by their parents. I recommend it for all parents. Then the bullying will stop. If the HCPS doesn’t like it then too bad. The HCPS has to be taught that they don’t rule every aspect of our lives.
Don’t forget the ever-present risk of an administrator deciding the fight rises to the level of assault or mutual combat and your grandchild gets a ride in the school resource officer’s car and an extended tour of the juvenile justice system.
Not at all worried. My grandkids know enough to kick their butts while off of school property and not during school hours. Anyway, it only has to happen once and the word spreads. And the truth is that bullies really don’t like the word to get around that someone told them to stop and made it stick.
And all of this because the school system doesn’t know how to keep it from happening in the first place.
My advice for a parent whose student is getting bullied is to download the form from the Maryland State Dept. of Education about bullying and go tell the principal of the school you are sending it to them. All of the sudden they pay attention. I know from firsthand experience. That being said, i also know that my daughter was blamed for the bullying. What did she do wrong, how did she provoke them etc. That was the line of questioning from the counselor at the school. Fortunately the principal at the time was no nonsense and once she got involved, it stopped because the students knew with absolute certainity she would suspend them. Also,if it involves cyberbullying (usually girls) print out the evidence. It can be used in school. Don’t think the schools do a very good job of protecting innocent kids though and people are right that if the victim strikes back they can get in as much or more trouble than the bully. We expect the kids to go to school in an environment that adults would never tolerate.
HaHa! I love it! We have to get that included in HCPS Frequently Asked Questions.
Question: What do I do if my child is being bullied?
Answer: We are so glad you asked. We have a form for that on our web site.
Is it any wonder that a lot of taxpayers hold the entire school system in derision?
Unfortunately there are situations where the only thing that will stop a bully is for them to get knocked on the backside. But frustrated parent is right in that parents of children that are being bullied in school (or outside of school) need to document and collect all the evidence they can and present this to school based administrators accompanied in written form with copies sent to the superintendent and BOE. Make sure your letter includes legal buzz words like school accountability, liability and your willingness to involve local law enforcement agencies if the bullying is not addressed and stopped. It is this kind of action that gets the attention of school officials. We send our children to school to get an education and this is best achieved in an environment free of intimidation and worry.
I also had the experience of dealing with bullying in high school wherein the administration is known to do nothing to kids who bully or assault other students in the hallway and I pretty much went ballistic. I actually confronted the student who was doing the bullying and another student whose parent was a counselor at the school. The counselor heard me yelling at her daughter and other student and told me it wasn’t the “time and place.” Well needless to say she never called me to discuss when the time and place was nor to even find out what her daughter did. The victim (my daughter) was told she could switch classes because of the bullies and that the bully’s mother (counselor) would help her with that! True story and one that still makes my blood boil.
A child must be told to defend. You can make the mistake I made and try to talk to parents, tell the teachers,counselors, the principal, the Harford County Board of Ed, call the police go before a judge get peace orders give them to the school only to be told the gang of bullies fall under the no child left behind rule sorry. Which as the gang continued with threats to kill dealing drugs in school they became bolder and braver and drove by our home and shot at my son and missed. When a gang of five jumped him and he defended himself and won it stopped. Oh and the few decent police who wanted to help said this was all over your son being popular with girls and not involved with the drugs. So kids being bullied by one or a gang defend yourself the bully or gang of bullies are scared of you and they count on the people in charge protecting them.