Everybody seems to be taking swipes at other people these days because of statements they make. I have been accused more often than not of doing that. In many of those cases, I am happy to plead guilty as charged. With that being said, I am willing to reform my old ways and work hard to try to get along with everybody. Even if it’s just for a few moments, I believe we can all hold hands and in a magical Kumbaya moment for all of humanity.
Okay, those few moments are over now. It’s time for me to get back to work.
Listen to this statement made by the co-chair of President Obama’s deficit commission, Alan Simpson, former Senator from Wyoming, as he discusses on Fox’s “Your World with Neil Cavuto” on March 7 the perils that those relying on Social Security are facing: “And by doing nothing — if they care at all about their children or grandchildren — now, sometimes, I doubt that — I think, you know, grandchildren now don’t write a thank you for the Christmas presents. They’re walking on their pants with their cap on backward listening to the ‘Enema Man’ and ‘Snoopy, Snoopy Poop Dog,’ and they don’t like them.”
I have to say that I have a tremendous amount of respect for anyone who has to transcribe the transcripts of any of those cable news talk shows that you can find on their websites. In fact, for that reason alone, the people who provide transcripts for the shows at Fox News are about the only people employed by Fox News who have earned my respect.
(Okay, I do have a friend who graduated from Fallston High School a year ahead of me who is now a producer Fox News in their DC bureau. She and her husband are both conservatives, but I respect them, their right to have the views that they have even if I disagree with them and what is in their hearts. My Democratic and my left-leaning friends can catch their breath at that last statement while the rest of us move on.)
Now, I’m sure Senator Simpson knows a lot more about the detailed intricacies of Social Security than me. However, I know more about pop culture than Senator Simpson. I know, for a fact, that the guy’s name is Eminem and he was the star of the movie “8 Mile.” I know this because the guy has been around since I was in high school, which is ten years ago. And I have taken advantage of those ten years to get his name right. Also, I know the second guy has changed his stage name a few times, but even someone like me who doesn’t follow rap music knows that the guy shortened his name to “Snoop Dogg.” Yes, Senator Simpson, he shortened because he knew there were too many dumb white guys who couldn’t say “Snoop Doggy Dogg!” Because he made it easy for you, please understand that no adding of extra syllables is necessary.
Besides, “Eminem” and “Snoop Dogg” are easier names to get right than their real names, Marshall Bruce Mathers, III and Cordozar Calvin Broadus, respectively. I would hate to see Senator Simpson butcher those names.
If I learned anything that has helped me to graduate from high school and college and use my skills in the years since, it is my knowledge that if I want to cite a celebrity to make a point, then I know I have to correctly say the name of the person making us collectively scratching our heads (i.e.; Lady Gaga, or as Senator Simpson would most likely call her “Lady Gagagitty Goo Goo.”)
If Senator Simpson can’t even say the man’s name correctly, then why should I feel comfortable with the idea of trusting him to create a solution to solve any problem with Social Security? I mean, the guy is a former United States Senator! Presumably, he has contributed more to society and has a better ability to say someone’s name right than your average Dagger comment writer! If that isn’t the case, then my last name isn’t “Yyers.” I’m sorry, “Meyers.” I think. Yeah, that’s the correct spelling. We all know how reliable those Dagger comments are.
In conclusion, Senator Simpson has convinced me that I want more of my paycheck to go into Social Security. Our seniors need to have access to the resources that they need in order to live comfortably and give them the option to use those resources to prevent them from having more moments similar to those experienced by Senator Simpson! Also, I believe that the more money from Social Security that our seniors are able to receive, the more they are able to afford to pay for doctor visits where the real “Enema Man” will perform in a way that will not earn them an Oscar or an MTV Movie Award. However, one day they may examine an Oscar or even a Tony!
Good Article
Has there ever been a more pointless article? The Dagger can’t be this desperate for material…can they?
Thanks, Thom Meyerz, for another worthwhile contribution. Now let’s get to the best part of your articles: the reader-submitted comments!
I DEMAND that our elected officials and political pundits know who Snoop Dog is! What is the world coming to when old men don’t know who rap artists are?!?!
Thanks for taking on these tough issues Tom.
P. Fatty.
The commenter formerly known as “Fatty Pockets”.
Perhaps Mr. Simpson was intentionally butchering their names. Mr Myers, why do you repeatedly submit yourself to the ridicule you know is coming?
The article makes an execelent point! This is another great example of what substance abuse can do to your brain! This Tom Myers article looks like it could have come from Charlie Sheen!
By the way. Since Tom wasn’t going to be fair enough to post the video of this interview that he’s referring to. I figured I would take the liberty and post this video of an old man attempting to make a joke of the ridiculous names of two rap artists.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZstxpTBqL0
Only a partisan turd like Tom could even attempt to write a scathing article on something so innocuous.
Fatty Pockets
The commenter formerly known as P. Fatty.
I sincerely hope you didn’t study journalism or English while at Goucher. What skills did you take away from your years of education? After reading all of the hilarious comments from previous articles, I thought I’d take a stab at actually reading the article. Talk about manual labor! The opening alone was enough to make me pick up the latest edition of Cat Fancy. I’m also familiar with your latest movie, “Desperately Seeking a Point.” A love story between you and yourself.
You need to have a series of points that are (even vaguely) interesting to the reader. Then you take those points and make it into something concise and enjoyable. Instead you ramble on about something so pointless. Seriously…who cares? I’m actually glad politicians aren’t always integrated into the trash media. Most likely because it’s irrelevant and they have better things to do.
Speaking of which- does your 7-11 sell alcohol?
This almost as funny as reading or listening to Democrats argue their points. They just ramble on and blame others without giving any logic. It is always the same with Tom and his emotional friends. Do they have alcohol at the 7-11?
SB-
I see very little difference between the incompetence and ranting of the DEMagogues or the REPugnants. Sounds like you are spinning typical party politics.
Mr. Meyers do you pay your FICA/Medicare tax at the rate of 15.30% on your comedy gigs and do you file non-resident state tax returns for every state that you perform in? Or do you just not report the income at all?
You are obliged to do so.
now that’s funny…paying taxes on self reported income.
FRANKLY SPEAKING, what’s so funny about reporting self-employed income and paying your quarterly estimated Federal Tax/FICA/Medicare?
I don’t know. Toms typical payment for open mic nights is a 25 dollar gift certificate to Outback.
Can that be taxed?
But while we’re on the subject. I would doubt highly that Tom reports any of that income.
Most clubs require Tom to pay them after performing. It helps make up for all the business they lose when people walk out during his set.
@P. FATTY – Well Tom could set the record straight on whether or not he reports his self-employment income and pays Federal/State Income Tax along with FICA/Medicare withholding?
And gifts, barter or any in-kind payment is income.
Tom-
I’ve seen you live b4 and you are hella funnnnnnny!! People should def kno who is popular. That’s why Bill Clinton was so cool. He was on snl and so down n everything. Lemme know when your playing next!!
Hey Tom. When are you going to post that gem of an article about Comedians using notes on stage?
That was a real stinker.
Hey Fatty, got a link? All I saw when I googled Tom was this:
“The aggressively incompetent Tom Myers, performing 30 excruciating minutes during a Maryland comedy marathon to a bemused audience.”
Thanks!
So my comment that included links is still “awaiting moderation” after 48+ hours huh?
Must be Tom approving the comments.
Tom is a staunch supporter of free speech…unless you’re criticizing him.
That’s ok Terrance.
Email me at my gmail account. Fattypockets
We can trade Tom stories.
Chech this link out on Tom Myers.
I’m not a big fan of Mickey, but I absolutely love him in that video.
I’d pay to see a night where all the comedians do is make fun of Tom.
It is speculated that Tom Meyers is feverishly amending his tax returns to pay his taxes/FICA/Medicare for the past few years?
I don’t know about anyone else but I was getting the impression that reporting income and paying taxes was something Tom Meyers thought was only for Tea Partiers and rich conservatives?
Seek Tax Amnesty Tom and set yourself free! The IRS and States have payment plans. And don’t worry Tim Geithner came clean and it all worked out.