Myers: “1,173 of the Residents of District B Actually Thought to Select My Name to Go to the Board of Education”

A lot of things happened this past summer that really made me take notice. Here’s one event that took place. On July 24, eighteen people were killed in a stampede that took place during the Love Parade, which took place at a music festival in the German industrial city of Duisburg. The festival, living up to its name, featured many inebriated, but happy, people greeting the police and medical personnel who were going to tend to the injured. I don’t know what’s more disturbing: that people who were described as “happy” were obstructing uniformed personnel trying to save their fellow music lovers or the fact that a lot of mayhem and carnage took place at a festival called “Love.”

Another thing that happened this past summer occurred later that same day, across the Atlantic Ocean, at a Comic-Con at the San Diego Convention Center. According to witnesses, a scuffle took place and someone was stabbed in the eye socket. Some members there, realizing that this was not a computer generated image of a fight, but actually the real deal, called the police while other comic enthusiasts actually held the assailant until the police got there to take him into custody. All who helped out were given medals of valor and they were allowed to stay in their mother’s basements rent-free for the next year.

Here’s another event that took place this past summer. I ran for the Harford County Board of Education’s new elected Councilmanic District B seat. That’s right. Along with the likes of Bob Ehrlich and Martin O’Malley, Jesse Bane, Rick Impallaria and Pat McDonough, David Craig and Billy Boniface was, of all people, me. A wide range of emotions from fear to restrained jubilation was felt by my fellow Harford County residents at that very thought and, for the residents of the eleven precincts where my name appeared on the ballot, at that very sight. There was also a sense of pride for myself that 1,173 of the residents of District B actually thought to select my name to go to the Board of Education. Now if only I could get them all to come and watch me perform, that would be great! 1,173 people all from Harford County gathering to hear me speak would be like a Tea Party rally without the racism.

One emotion I had at that last paragraph was one of outright amusement. The one thing about that sentence I thought was amusing was what I saw when I did my spell check. When my spell check came to “Impallaria,” it suggested I substitute “Malaria.” Hmm, if I could choose one thing against which I could vaccinate myself, I really would have to resort to a coin toss on that one.

Another instance of outright amusement occurred when there was a group of people in this county that wanted former County Council President Bob Wagner to return to county government, this time as their County Executive. Why would I want Bob Wagner as the head of Harford County government when I can’t even trust him to get out of his vehicle without stumbling to the ground? We already had Gerald Ford. I don’t think anyone in this country, let alone in Harford County, should live through that experience again.

I also take pleasure in the fact that one of the candidates running for the Republican Central Committee was a man named David Seman. As someone who is not a registered Republican, I was able to take comfort in the fact that every Republican voting in the primary on September 14 had “Seman” on their ballot.

With the candidates, such as me, all out and about trying to win the hearts, minds and votes of Harford County voters, such as me, this means all of the residents of Harford County are met with candidates representing the modern day Tea Party, running to change the two-party system in Bel Air, Annapolis, and Washington while, ironically enough, running as Republicans, one half of the problems surrounding the two-party system. That’s right, the Tea Party’s response to the elected officials and candidates we all detest is to try to get elected so they can become part of the problem. I think it’s a good idea to have more than two parties. I would just prefer that at least one of those parties have candidates that actually get the percentage of the population that votes at least closer to the 50% line.

A word of advice to anyone wanting to start a movement that involves me: coming from someone whose height of political activism took place in college, I can tell you that in my political world, it is not tea, but a Keg Party that would inspire me to get involved in politics. Sorry, Lipton. Hello, Budweiser!

There was one political occurrence that caused me to have an observation that my friend Nikki referred to on Facebook as “freaking hilarious!” It was the fact that Michael Steele is touring the country in his capacity as head of the Republican National Committee in a coach bus with big lettering that read, “Need A Job? Fire Pelosi!” Michael, you are aware that you are riding around in that bus after March 17, 2010, which is the filing deadline to apply for Representative Pelosi’s job under California’s election law, right? Plus, you have to live in the 8th Congressional district of the State of California in order to apply for Ms. Pelosi’s job in the first place! So here’s my solution. Try to keep the bus inside Nancy Pelosi’s congressional district and try to get her fired that way. That way, they would not be bothering my congressional district and the Republicans would actually be doing something that makes sense. Hey, someone has to point this stuff out to him and it might as well be me.

As someone who had to live through four years with him as my lieutenant governor, I am ashamed to even admit to my out-of-state friends that Michael Steele and I are from the same state. I need to try and obtain whatever medication I was on when I had my wisdom teeth removed in order to even cope with that realization.

If neither the Republican nor Democratic candidates meet your level of satisfaction, then Jimmy McMillan is the right choice for you. He is running for Governor of the State of New York on the ticket of the “Rent is 2 Damn High” Party. I believe the reason that this candidate is gaining notoriety is because you know the party platform because the platform is included in the party name.

Although I do not live in the State of New York and cannot vote for this man, this has to be my favorite candidate. Whether you are a student having graduated college or even a performance artist with a part-time job such as myself, there is a universal statement within that party name with which anyone of all political stripes can agree: the rent is too damn high! I have often made that my rallying cry. Unfortunately, I have yet to covert my mother to that particular belief. Whenever I tell her my rent is too damn high, she tells me differently.